SACRAMENTO—In the Nothing But Net Simulation Basketball League, Sacramento Kings owner Tiggy has been described as "addicted to trading", with some front offices calling it a "problem". Known for her relentless, often baffling trades, she’s kept her players on edge with a reputation for shuffling her roster like a deck of cards
But now, it’s quiet—too quiet. Tiggy hasn’t made a trade in nearly three months, and for a league used to a staggering sub ten percent roster continuity rate, the silence is deafening. It’s not just the league that’s feeling the void; it’s the Kings players themselves, who are now left wondering: what happened to Tiggy?
Bradley Beal, the Kings’ marquee veteran, admitted the sudden calm has been disorienting. "The Kings not trading is like the sun not rising. It just doesn’t happen; I haven't even unpacked, I sleep in the showers in the locker room" he said, narrowing his eyes as if trying to solve a riddle. "Did she lose her phone? Is she trapped somewhere without internet access?"
Rookie Reed Sheppard, who was fully prepared to be on his third team by now, confessed that the silence has only amplified his anxiety. "When you get drafted by the Kings, you expect to be part of at least one three-team trade before you even finish your rookie photoshoot," he said, fiddling nervously with his Kings warm-up jacket. "This isn’t normal. What if she’s, like, sick?"
Shaedon Sharpe offered a slightly more grounded take, though his unease was palpable. "We’ve all been talking about it in the locker room," he said. "First, we thought she was just plotting some massive deal. Then we started joking about her being abducted by aliens. But now? I don’t know, man. Maybe she’s just… tired?"
Brandin Podziemski, couldn’t resist adding his own spin. "At first, I thought she was playing mind games with the league—like she’s trying to psych everyone out by not doing anything. Has anyone driven by her house? Checked for candles in the windows?"
Even rival owners are starting to raise eyebrows. "Look, Tiggy’s the engine that produces mediocre deals for our entertainment" said Spurs owner Seho. "If she’s gone silent, it’s either because she’s planning the most insane trade spree we’ve ever seen, or something’s seriously up. Either way, it’s unsettling."
Rockets owner Kamal shared similar sentiments. "I joked that she might’ve been banned from the league, but honestly? This isn’t funny anymore. The longer she’s quiet, the more I wonder if something’s actually wrong."
Knicks owner Cheppy, never one to mince words, offered a darker take. "What if she just… gave up? What if she’s decided it’s not worth it anymore? If she’s cracking, what hope do the rest of us have?"
Commissioner Chuck, who also owns the Suns, tried to inject some levity but couldn’t hide his own unease. " Three months without a Kings' trade is like Christmas without presents—it doesn’t feel right."
The truth is, no one knows what’s going on with Tiggy. Her silence has left a vacuum that not even baffling trades could fill.
For now, the Kings players—and the league at large—are left to speculate, where is Tiggy?
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