NBN Today

PHOENIX - A warm fire crackled in the background as the Phoenix Suns took part in one of their favorite offseason traditions: listening to Russell Westbrook tell stories of his time with the Magic.  As members of the richest family in the NBN, most Suns players had never left the expansive fields on which their Victorian mansion sat, but the elder Westbrook was adopted into the family two years ago; before that, the vet lived a humble life in a faraway land called Orlando.  The Suns sat in a tight circle around Westbrook and looked up at him, their eyes full of wonder. "Mr. Westbrook," shouted a child's voice from the back of the group. "Is it true that in Orlando they sent away the children they couldn't afford?" Westbrook's eyes darkened, his visage saddening in the flickering light of the fireplace. "Yes, Devin, that happened quite a lot," he explained as gently as he could. "I remember one child, Immanuel, who was taken down to the mar...

Welcome to my 2025 NBN Mock Draft, which will definitely be outdated by the time I publish it! Not projecting any trades because teams are crazy and too hard to predict. TLDR at bottom.  1. Houston Rockets - Cooper Flagg, F, Duke No brainer here. Flagg is by far the best player in this draft, and one of the best prospects we’ve seen in the last 10 years. Houston’s tank paid off, and they get a do-it-all forward with a Jordan-esque competitive drive to build around.  2. Charlotte Hornets - Dylan Harper, G, Rutgers Charlotte pulled a stunner earlier this week, trading picks 5, 6, and Zach Edey to Dallas for the #2 pick, where they will likely select Dylan Harper. Harper is a 6’6 intelligent guard with All-Star upside. He will pair nicely with Paolo Banchero as another dynamic playmaker with scoring punch, this time with more shooting upside. This move signals Charlotte’s intent to move off All-Star LaMelo Ball (who they sneakily gave up a lot for; Stephon Castle, Nik...

LOS ANGELES - The Wolves team bus pulled into an empty Crypto.com Arena parking lot this morning in anticipation of their 9/10-seed Play-In matchup. However, players and coaches deboarding the bus were shocked to find the entire lot completely empty and silent, with the exception of the faint sounds of ancient Chinese songs being played on a guqin .  The confused group soon located the source of the sound; Lakers owner RJ could be seen seated on the arena's rooftop, engrossed in his performance. "It was unsettling, to be honest," admitted Timberwolves star Domantas Sabonis. "RJ is a smart and cunning owner, and seeing his relaxed composure as he played beautiful Chinese traditional music made it clear to us that the Lakers were more than prepared to challenge us." RJ's bluff was also made more compelling due to the Lakers' inexplicable free agency signings leading up to the play-in. "We noticed, and [RJ] knows it, too," said Wolves owner Jonny....

PORTLAND, OR - A would-be arsonist was seen on CCTV crouched outside a Tesla dealership last night with at least three gallons of kerosene. However, the man, identified later as Kevin LeDuc, could be seen becoming engrossed with an NBN game on one of the televisions that was left on in the Tesla show room. As he cupped his hands around his face to peer through the window, LeDuc witnessed the Denver Nuggets defeat the Timberwolves and effectively destroy their play-in dreams. Then, the footage shows LeDuc putting his barrels of kerosene back in his Subaru and leaving the scene without doing any damage to the dealership or its property. Given that he did not commit any crimes, LeDuc will not see charges pressed against him. NBN Today caught up with the would-be arsonist, who was identified by the various swinging and group sex-related bumper stickers on the back of his vehicle. "Yes, I did have some nefarious thoughts when I arrived at that Tesla dealership," LeDuc explained. ...

  By Faster Holmes, April 1, 2025 In an absolutely wild turn of events, KMan, the once beloved (and now former ) owner of the Philadelphia 76ers, has been kicked to the curb in the most dramatic way possible after a shocking confrontation with his long-time partner, MikeTheParrott. So, how did this all go down? Hold onto your popcorn, folks, because this story is packed with explosive drama , secret deals, and one very wild escape! The Trade That Set It All Off Everything went south when KMan decided to secretly orchestrate a massive trade involving the 76ers and the Golden State Warriors. KMan, acting alone, arranged to send THREE key players - Ben Simmons, Devin Vassell, and Jared McCain - to Golden State in exchange for future Hall of Famer Stephen Curry . Now, we all know how big that trade would be, but here’s where things get interesting ... KMan didn't tell MikeTheParrott, his partner in crime , about the full details. According to sources , KMan only fed Mike bits and pi...

Note: Lyrics, quotes, names have all been edited to avoid DMs about family and personal life from disgruntled individuals. Know that these people might judge But f**k it, you family to us So come over here and give me some love Yeah, give me a hug I miss you h**s, give me a hug Give me a hug, give me a hug What can I say? I miss you girls, I'm stuck in my ways N** C***s, K****r, B**n, T**e W****d, S**u, y'all gotta come to the stage Ridiculed by many, recognized by none. Those are the sentiments in the halls of Staples Arena as lone FO member RJ was spotted asking Avatar for a hug as the Lakers continue an impressive run of 26-4 in their last 30 games. How did we get to this point? Lakers owner RJ takes us down a trip to memory lane. He has kept receipts since the beginning of time: “They bashed me when I drafted Coulibaly couple years ago like 7th overall, then I forgave them.” I, too, forgive them. Coulibaly did some great things for my fantasy team this year. “Prior to 2023-...