NBN Today

Note: Lyrics, quotes, names have all been edited to avoid DMs about family and personal life from disgruntled individuals. Know that these people might judge But f**k it, you family to us So come over here and give me some love Yeah, give me a hug I miss you h**s, give me a hug Give me a hug, give me a hug What can I say? I miss you girls, I'm stuck in my ways N** C***s, K****r, B**n, T**e W****d, S**u, y'all gotta come to the stage Ridiculed by many, recognized by none. Those are the sentiments in the halls of Staples Arena as lone FO member RJ was spotted asking Avatar for a hug as the Lakers continue an impressive run of 26-4 in their last 30 games. How did we get to this point? Lakers owner RJ takes us down a trip to memory lane. He has kept receipts since the beginning of time: “They bashed me when I drafted Coulibaly couple years ago like 7th overall, then I forgave them.” I, too, forgive them. Coulibaly did some great things for my fantasy team this year. “Prior to 2023-...

SAN FRANCISCO - In a dimly lit arena, a lone figure puts up shots after the Warriors game - for years, a tradition for Seth Curryseth and his brother Stephen Curry. But since Stephen Curry agreed to a trade that sent him to the Philadelphia 76ers, it has been just Curryseth carrying on the family tradition. "If I'm being honest, I do get sad about it sometimes," said Curryseth, casually dribbling between shots. "I feel like I was kind of forgotten in all the excitement." Curryseth explained that when he joined the Warriors in order to play alongside his brother, he was asked to change his name in order to make it clear whose stats were whose on the box score.  "Steph definitely wasn't going to do it," Curryseth laughed. "He's the superstar and I'm just the other brother. But I've been making sacrifices for my little bro all my life, so I was happy to go through the paperwork and become a Curryseth." But while he gladly changed...

OKLAHOMA CITY - A white Toyota Sienna emblazoned with the Houston Rockets logo pulled up to PayCom center yesterday morning, carrying the young Rockets team. Witnesses reported the Rockets players hopping out of the van, most of them wearing colorful backpacks and carrying lunchboxes. "Go on, git!" shouted Rockets owner Kamal, who was driving the van. "And don't come home before dinner!"  The Rockets skipped merrily into PayCom center, lead by eldest Rocket Fred VanVleet, who had this season graduated from lunch boxes covered in cartoon animals to a mature brown bagged lunch. He held his brown bag proudly as he walked into the arena's lobby, waving at Principal Presti and Mr. Daigneault, his favorite teacher. Not every Rocket, however, was so happy to be dropped off. One of the newest Rockets, Nah'Shon Hyland, was seen clinging to AllenOJ's leg and pleading to stay in the car. "I don't wanna!" he cried, explaining through blubbering tea...

NBN Headquarters – In a turn of events that has absolutely no precedent whatsoever, short-time Memphis Grizzlies GM CF has decided that, actually, he’s not leaving after all. Grizzlies owner meem broke the news to the league on Saturday, stating, “CF confirmed with me today that he will be returning as my GM. Excellent news!” The announcement comes just weeks after CF himself had publicly declared that this offseason would mark the end of his tenure in Memphis. League Commissioner Chuck, when reached for comment, was stunned—or at least, he played along as if he were. "Shocking. Unbelievable. Never saw this coming," Chuck deadpanned, before reportedly having to pause for a moment to recover from the sheer unexpectedness of it all. CF’s “will he, won’t he” act has become something of an offseason tradition in the NBN, with his name perennially surfacing in discussions of potential vacancies—only for him to ultimately decide that Memphis is still the place to be. So...